And I need to write more here, as well. I have noticed almost all my recent entries have started off with me reaffirming that I need to write more in my diaries.
Right now I am watching our black kitten "Sirius Black" pounce and bound around our very prissy Siamese, Pywacket. I can't tell if they are playing or fighting, but Sirius made me realize why I love cats. Py was never the type to bounce around the house or snuggle up on your chest. I forgot what I was missing.
Squishy is eating something mysterious. Oh its a piece of bread. Where did she get a piece of bread?
So, I've been really good lately. I love saying that. I've been seeing a therapist about all my anxiety and she's really helped me out so far. She said she thinks my fear of the unknown, that anything can happen, stems from the randomness of my life since I was 18. I thought I was going to move to NYC and then BOOM my mom got sick and died within 3 months. I got pregnant out of nowhere, my brother killed himself randomly, ect ect and it has all been building up on my anxieties until they are like they are now--out of control. She also has been helping me with my thoughts about Jamie. She told me to start writing down all the good he does so that, when I feel like he doesn't love me anymore, I can read them and be comforted and it has really helped. Jamie and I have been really awesome lately and even when we're not awesome, I try to relax about it.
Our 5 year anniversary (of dating) was last week and it was such a good day. He skipped his classes and we went to lunch and both girls were amazing. This random waitress even came up to us and said "Everyone in the back is talking about how cute your baby is so I just had to see her". Thats not news to me, but thanks! It was really great to have a laid back day because the week before was so hectic. Jamie found out his study tours weren't covered by financial aid and its going to be a couple thousand dollars and it caused a big fight. I was really stressed out about it because I felt completly ignored and disrespected by his actions on the issue. Thankfully, everything got sorted out in the end and we talked it out like adults. It felt SO good to sit down and do the pros and cons like two partners in marriage. I almost cried during the conversation because it went so well. I was not expecting him to be so receptive and understanding.
AND we actually got to go out like real life 23 and 24 year olds last Friday! His sister was in town and watched the girls until like 3am so we went to this swanky martini bar and dressed to the nines. Sometimes you need to go out and have people look at you without knowing you have children. There was no breast milk stains on my shirt, no crumbs on my shoulder, and I could actually wear heels without feeling like there was a chance I was going to drop something. OH and there were no rattles or books about Dora in my purse. It was nice :-)
Remember how I just wrote about how much I love my kitten? Well, he just pooped in the girls' room. I guess thats my cue.