Yesturday I learned that it is possible to be depressed without even knowing it. You can be depressed even when you are happy. It's all in the subconscience. Jamie thinks I'm depressed. I got kinda down last night talking about my friends and such (how they are all away at college and whatnot), and that just sparked a downward spiral of self pity. So we were talking on the phone an I was telling him how I am tired all the time and he told me that could also be a sign. He said I've changed a lot lately and I don't know why. It got me really flustered trying to think of why. But the more I talked to him, the better I felt. Then all of a sudden, everything went away and I felt alright again. And I feel alright today. I think I'm alright.
I do, however, want to try and "better" myself. Now when I say "better", I mean physically. I want to start eating better and doing more activity to try and build up my energy level. Because to be honest, I'm a slug.
Besides just eating well, I want to try and change my appearence. Get my hair highlighted and possibly cut, and get some tanning sessions. I look like a ghost and it grosses me out. I just need something new to make me feel better about being me. Not that I don't feel good about being me, I just want to feel BETTER. But then again, I guess everyone does.
So I guess Saturday is my last day at work. I would really like to say "Thank God" but I guess it's a little embarrassing, seeing as how I'm the only seasonal help cut so far. To be honest, I thinnk it's that Crystal's doing. She doesn't like me and she doesn't want me around, see. So I think it is Crystal's opinion of me, not my work ethic, that has gotten me laid off. Yes. Thats it.
But I'm gonna start looking for a new job. I'm going back to serving. You can make a shit load of money serving and my dad has lined up a selection of places that I have my choice of working at. I'm leaning more towards Carmello's. It's not the highest grossing place, but it is by far the most comfortable. Since I know the owner and am best friends with her neice. Why am I talking about this?
In other news, I miss Juliann. I had a dream about her last night and it really made me miss her. I didn't really get to say goodbye. It feels like, even though it's morbid, that she's dead. Possibly b/c I have little to no way of contacting her. But I know in my heart, she's in a better place and will always be with me.
Ok...I have gotten into a bad habit of babbling. I'm gonna go get "Cleaning Day" to a good start.