I wish I could give Marci treats when she is good like I give Moses.
So, I've been spending a lot of time with my old friend from Snappers, John. For those of you who don't know me, or for those of you who know me and don't remember, he's a quote from my old journal about who John is:
"Whenever I am in school, I think "Forget about John. You have a wonderful adoring boyfriend. I'm gonna be fine" But as soon as I step inside that resturant that all changes. Everytime I look at him I take a deep breath. My heart has never sunk so much. There is so many times that I want to be with John instead. But I blew it. He doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't say he loves me. Nothing anymore. I keep saying I hate him. Trying to convince myself. He's drowning Brian out. I can't tell if he is drifting because he doesn't want to love me anymore of if he is drifting because he just doesn't care. Even thinking about it now makes me cry. I can't take it. I want HIM. I want JOHN. I guess it's too late now. He doesn't want me anymore. I want to be a part of him again. I ache to just tell him everything. Tell him how much I long for him and how much I love him but I don't think I'll get much of a response and I'm afraid that if I keep doing that he's going to get tired. That is if he isn't already. He's all I think about. All I want to talk about but I feel silly telling my friends I'm in love. I feel empty now. He's gone isn't he?"
Yeah...THATS John. Me and John definatly have a history. An "on and off" history. He'd keep switching between being my best friend and saying he loves me, to being a complete asshole and ignoring me. If you told me 3 years ago that John would be one of my best friends now, I would probably laugh in your face. But he is. He's changed SO much. Well, I don't think its really him changing. I think its him letting the best parts of him shine through b/c he doesn't care about being "cool" anymore or who he's impressing. He's more real and down to earth. We talk pretty much every day and I'm finding myself wanting to go chill at his apartment a lot more often. I feel so much myself with him and Dan (our other friend). In fact, I feel really good about myself around them. I feel like they appreciate me and like me for who I am and even when I say or do stupid things, they don't think it's annoying, they think it's endearing b/c "Thats just Katie."
I do still think we would of been amazing together if we got the chance back then.