I know that sounds very hypocritical of me--considering my history of partying, but I really hate when he goes out. It makes me feel like he's not mine. Like he belongs to those people..not me. He would rather be with them than me.
This is probably all PMS babble, but I'm just depressed and lonely tonight.
I feel like our lives are too seperate. Seperate jobs. Seperate schools. Seperate friends. Seperate nights. Seperate...experiances (or however thats spelled). I don't feel close to him lately. I hate that.
I don't feel close to anyone lately. Not having a tight group of friends really makes me lonely.
I wanted people to come over tonight and watch movies and drink wine since Jamie would be gone, but everyone had a different reason why they couldn't make it. They were all valid. But it just reminded me of something that has been going on my ENTIRE life--me making people a bigger priority than I am to them. I have this problem of getting close to people when they don't feel close to me. And then I get disappointed and hurt. Well, now, it feels like every single one of my friends is that.
When I quit Damons, I knew that these people probably wouldn't call me or try to hang out with me anymore. I would eventually fade away and become as mass of stories of my time there. No one thinks of me.
Crystal asked me to lunch for tomorrow and it touched me SO much b/c no one ever asks ME to do anything. It's always me chasing these relationships so when someone reaches out, it really effects me.
Is this my life forever? Am I constantly going to be this girl?
I just miss having the kind of friends that I used to have. I can't stand having these half-way friends anymore. And its not their fault. I can't expect someone to care about me the way I care about them. I just know that when I need someone...even just for a little company or someone to talk to...there's not a whole lot of people out there for me.
Wow. I feel so alone.