I just feel so...low. Not nessecarily depressed. Just a weird, disconnected feeling. AND I just ate eggs and now I want to throw up.
My first concern is these terrible cramps I have been getting for the last two days. They feel like period cramps but a little more intense, and it worries me. They are also mixed or followed with bad back pain. Does anyone have any advice or answers for me? I've been stressing out about it and my first doctor's appointment isn't even until Weds.
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So thats the first thing. The second thing is how much I hate my job. I went into work yesterday for the first time since I found out I was pregnant, and it took every fiber in me to work. I was a terrible waitress yesterday. I feel bad for my tables. And I was so clumsy and forgetful! I brewed coffee but forgot to put the pot down, and there was coffee everywhere! Plus,all the drama that has been going on there. Saturday, the server/supervisor Kathy (who doesn't care for me all that much since I stood up to her for trying to write me up when I was late b/c of a babysitter situation) got on the phone with me when I was telling my friend Stephanie at work about this baby and had the gull to say to me "You know what I think about this? I think you better stop those bad things you are doing or else your baby is going to have side effects!" I was SO SO SOOOOOOO offended by this that I paced the apartment for HOURS trying to calm down. I could NOT calm myself down. Not only does this broad know NOTHING about me, but I am sure she was telling people her "feelings" on my supposed "drug problem" and how I need her to actually tell me to stop or else my baby is going to have side effects from it. First off, I haven't done anything of that nature for MONTHS and MONTHS and secondly, even if I have, I am NOT the type of person to do it when I am pregnant. AND that rang a bell to me. When Jill asked me to come back to work, she said "Ray wants to give you this code of conduct sheet" (which was already offensive) and he had hightlighted "Don't bring your bad habits to the work place." So now I KNOW that that is what he meant! I am SO FURIOUS and offended by it. Actually, I'm getting really worked up about it right now so I better move on.
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The last thing has been ongoing for a bit, but I never wrote about it because I don't know what to say. Actually, I still don't know what to say. Lets just say I have a lot of bitterness and resentment towards my Dad b/c of his new relationship and its causing me a lot of stress.
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Other than that, I am fine. Just taking each day as it comes. I hope today is better than the last couple have been. For some reason, I cut my own bangs yesterday and they look absolutly terrible. They are really short and I did such a stupid job. Everyone was laughing at me at work. It is pretty funny, but I don't know what I am going to do with myself until they grow back.
Oh well.