how my happiness is so closely hinged to Jamie.
My self esteem has been very dry lately, but recently, its practically non-existent.
And its because of him.
I just feel like I am starting to go into a dark place again and I want to pull myself out before I get there. My kids deserve better.
But I am just sitting here, flooding my brain with a couple things he has said in the last couple days that have really hurt me. And I am analyzing them. And over analyzing them. And over OVER analyzing them. And I can't stop.
I don't know what to do to make this feel better.
I know what I WANT to happen.
I want Jamie to say: "I'm really sorry for hurting you. Thats not what I meant at all. I love you and I would never want to make you feel bad."
But I don't see that happening.
It might be true, but he might never admit it.
So it scabs over. And I pick at it and pick at it until it bleeds. And it turns into a never-ending cycle with us. With ME.
Ug I am SO over it.