August 02, 2009 � Peace
I haven't written for a month! Ahh!! I thought I told myself to keep up with...myself.

My life has been a whirlwind lately. I went to the Jersey Shore for four days with my best friends for an amazing bach party, my Dad has been in the hospital for 2 blood tranfusions and then we found out they found cancer cells in the tumor they removed, Squishy weaned herself and is completly potty trained (from my 4 day vacay!), and Jamie and I have been talking about buying a house! Those are pretty much the rundown items on my update list.

And today has been day 5 of "peace". For the last couple months, I have been having a really hard time dealing with the kids. Not even that they have been bad, I just haven't enjoyed being a mom lately. My days were spent screaming, even at something as little as them saying "Mommy!" when I'm trying to check my facebook, and trying to find ways to keep them busy while I do whatever I want. I thought my vacation away would help and I missed them a lot, but I came home to find it even a little bit worse. I was feeling awful. Guilt Guilt Guilt guiltguiltguiltguilt. So, one night, I prayed really hard and intently to God to give me patience and make me a better mom, and the next morning, I woke up with a spring in my step. I remember when I prayed, I felt this real connection to God...something I haven't felt for a while. And I have not only been calm and able to hold my temper (even during Squish's record breaking tantrum this afternoon!), but I am actually having FUN being a mom again. I took the girls to the pool, and I didn't just lay there as usual, I went in and we played water ballet! Today, we went to the park to watch Jamie compete in a tug of war championship with his company and me and both girls are screaming "pull! pull!" I just feel peace with life right now. Broke or not, I have peace. And I'm happy.

Speaking of happy, thank you thank you thank you for your beautiful responses to my last entry. Its seeing that people still care about what I have to say even when I go so long without writing an entry is what has motivated me to come back to this diary. This diary has held my whole adult life, and I don't want to abandon it now. Now that I'm just getting started :-)

Both girls are asleep in different places and Jamie is out being in his mid-20s and free, so I think I will use this precious quiet time to watch some photography tuitorials.

Goodnight :-) **