It's not like I have a job to worry about. Or a lot of homework. Or a rocky relationship.
My life is pretty easy right now.
But I am overwhelmed.
I think it has something to do with my dad.
I mean, he's fine, but I feel very disconnected with him and I don't know why. Pleasing my dad and making him proud is so important to me. I guess I feel like I'm not doing that.
One thing that gets me is he always says stuff like "You need to pitch in with this house..." ect ect and that really gets to me because he has no idea how concentrated on the house I really am. It's one of my top priorities, and no matter how hard I work at it, he doesn't see that. I am trying so hard to make him see that and make him see that the house is fine, but it's no use.
I think I am trying too hard to replace my mom.
I don't know. I don't even know how to describe how I feel. I don't feel like me though, I do know that.
I just want my dad to be happy with me. He never seems very excited with anything that happens to me so I have no idea how to make him happy.
I think I try to please people too much.
I don't know.
Thats what I keep saying. "I don't know". It's like the words fell out of my head and thats all I'm left with to sum it up. I just feel so...not me. I think if I ever were to get out of this house, I'd be happier.
I wish I knew what was going on with me. I'm not happy. But I don't know why I'm not happy. And thats the worst kind of unhappiness.
I need chicken pot pie.