But not in a serious way.

In sort of a *cute* way, which is ok cause everything I do is cute. :-)

But no. I am. I just feel really cooped up right now. It's nice outside, but I'm inside. I want to be outside but I have no one to be outside with. And what am I going to do outside alone? It's not like I have a garden or anything. Although, I'd like one. When we have a house some day.

Jamie is gone. AGAIN. I feel like I haven't had any time with him. He works every day this week, and both jobs today. So I've been sitting around the house--obviously not motivated to do anything constructive--just feeling alone. I try to call my family, but everyone has their own schedule.Which, I can respect. But I can't help be a little bit bitter towards Tia for not coming over or anything like that lately...especially when I need her. But, I really have no right to be upset. So thats gone. POOF.

It just seems like this marriage/baby thing has really put a cramp on my social life. No No no..I don't mean that badly. I mean, its like...no one calls me or asks me to go anywhere anymore now that I got married and such. They seperate me into a different group of society now. Like they can't relate to me anymore. Which, I think is fucked because I'm still the same person. I'm still the same girl who doodles on her notebooks and sings to herself. I'm just permanently attached now, is all. Don't be afraid! I won't bite! The only ones who have made an effort to make me feel less of a freak lately is Jen and Jasmine. They always call me to do things with them, which I really appreciate. Cheers to them.

But all the blame doesn't fall on my friends. I don't call anyone. I don't know why. I just rarely feel like talking on the phone. I guess I haven't for a while--even before I was married/pregnant. I think it's a result of my lazy disease, as are most things in my life.

ANYWAY....

Jamie and I went to Columbus this weekend to visit Tami and to pick up a van-load of baby stuff. Crib, changing table, clothes, ect ect. It was really enjoyable, even though, to be honest, I didn't feel like it was going to be the best time on the way down. Before we left, I spent 4 hours cleaning the house. And I guess that my hormones took me hostage and I built this big brick wall of issues against Jamie. How he doesn't help around the house enough, how he always makes the decisions, how he always second-guesses me. Just a load of crap, basically. So, as I was cleaning, this was all stewing inside me and by the time Jamie got home, I was like ice towards him. Actually, at first, I tried to be nice. (Which is very difficult for me to do when I've already made up my mind to be mean). But then....he did it. It all started when he drank a bottle of Smiranoff twisted as we sat on the couch, then he went to get ready to go. I walked in the kitchen, and there was the empty bottle on the counter. Well, let me tell you, it was basically the same as if he just ripped apart all the cupboards, emptied out the fridge on the floor, and threw the garbage at everything. The effect to me was the same; disrespect for a clean kitchen. That settled my resentment and that rock didn't move for the first half of the trip. It was all I could think about driving. We only talked about directions, but what I really wanted to say was "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?! WHY DON'T YOU HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE MORE?!" But I didn't want to ruin the trip, so for the first 90 minutes, I kept trying to think of a way to bring it up in a manner that could be easily resolved. I finally got up the courage to say "You know, I'd really appreciate a little more help around the house more." I don't know what it was, but some how, everything escalated into a screaming fight. A fight about me nagging too much, him being insensitive, me not being his mom, yadda yadda yadda. He told me he didn't want to LIVE with me anymore if I was going to be such a nag...maybe I should move in with my dad...the whole schpeal. I was BALLING. Uncontrollably. We got stuck in a ditch. It was the ditch that saved us really. It was the ditch that made us realize how ridiculas we sounded and to make up. After that, everything was fine. It was really good, actually. We made up a set of rules (no nagging and more helping) and now we're great again. I don't know what the point of that story was really. Just felt like telling it.

Now I must go write a paper.

Au-revoir!