This semester is kicking my ass. And not because it's hard-no no no-because I'm lazy. I'm so fucking lazy. Today marks the third Math class in a row I've skipped, for one. And I can tell myself over and over again that its hard and I don't understand it and thats why I do lousy on the quizzes and tests, but the truth of the matter is if I wouldn't have skipped so many classes and actually put a little effort into the class, then I could probably pull off at least a C. And today my 5th film critique was due. I said "Hey! I'll just skip class and email it to him so I have more time to write it" and here I am, sitting at the computer, supposed to be writing this paper, and I lost the topic sheet so I have no clue what it's supposed to be about.
Shit.
Why am I such a fucking slacker? What am I ever going to accomplish in my life being the way I am? I'm messy, I'm disorganized, I'm lazy, and I do everything half-assed.
All of a sudden, I'm really scared for my future.
I don't know how to change.
It is these little things that stick together to form this big, sticky ball of fear that sits in my stomach every day.
I really don't know how to change.
I'm not happy being the way I am.
Now, however, it seems like I have too much on my plate. Too much to concentrate on that I lose touch with other things that are important--like school.
What should I do?
Does anyone know?
God I can't wait for this semester to be over and I can't start all over again clean.