Ok, so I don't really think I want to take my ADD meds anymore. They are really screwing with me. True, I have been taking them pretty sparatically, but that is because I am scared to take them. The problem is, they really help the whole "learning disorder" deal. I am doing so well in school and they motivate me immensely and give me hope that I can accomplish my dreams (I sound like I should be on a poster in a school library right now...sorry). But the side effects are really kicking my ass. The weight loss, the appetite loss, the stomach pains after eating, the anxiety...its just too much. I should call my doctor tomorrow, huh?

So, my cell phone is still shut off. Has been since Weds. They aren't exactly thrilled with our whole "never paying our bill" trend. No no..they don't find it as exciting as we do. Looks like we are going to have to conform to their fascist billing schedule. Bastards.

I think that this is the best Jamie and I have ever been for the longest period of time. I can honestly say that I am more than satisfied with my husband. Thats a good thing, eh? I don't know why I fought back and forth for so long. Kept ignoring that he was perfect for me and dwelling on our problems. Every couple has problems. When I compare ours to some people's, they seem pretty petty. How did I keep forgetting that he is everything I ever wanted in a boy? Everything I hoped and dreamed for as a kid manifested in one spikey-haired, earthy-eyed boy. There is no one out there better and I don't understand why I kept my eyes out, just in case.

Well, all the is behind us now. No need to focus on it. So here I sit, counting down the minutes until Jamie comes home and wondering what I can do to deserve him. Because I don't. Not even close. But there are parts of yourself that you can't erase...you just have to move past them. Thats what I need to learn to do.