Marci's on this really weird schedule where she wakes up early, takes a nap at 1-3, then another nap at like 7:30ish (I wasn't around to stop it) then she'll stay up till 1am, then wake up again at 8:30-9. So lack of sleep has made me grumpy.

And then this whole thing with my Dad and Joy has me REALLY stressed out. I'll go into it more later, but I'm trying to set up an atmosphere here.

So I had SUCH an irritating day today. I mean, I was really on edge. The only thing that got me through was knowing that work wouldn't be bad b/c I was only working in the dining room (as opposed to the busier, more work-filled club house) so it seemed the perfect ingredient to ease my stressful day: A non stressful work day.

So I go into work...I'm there for 20-30 minutes straightening up the dining room. We use the dining room when we're busy on the weekends for people who don't want to wait. And most people want the clubhouse, so I wasn't expecting much. So I go into the kitchen and a hostess comes and is like "uhh you have tables that have been sitting for a while" and I'm like "what?? I was just in the dining room" and they're like "no you're a closer". So I am FLABERGHASTED. I go look at the board and the words "dining room" are crossed out and "closer" is written in AND I am in the worst possible section you could be on the floor. Double screwed.

It was the straw on the camel's back. It took that little flame inside me and poured gasoline all over it. I couldn't control how angry I was feeling. I felt like I was burning. And I NEVER get like this. Ever. I'm usually very optimistic and calm and whatnot.

I say to Jasmine "Ok...well I need to calm down before I flip out and cry". I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. So I walk away and get ready to greet my tables and Jasmine comes in and says "Ray told me to take you off the floor" (aka: I'm sent home) and my sweet little Jasmine was mad for me. So I with all my sassy self I said "FINE!" and slammed out the back entrance and since I didn't have my phone and I don't drive, I walked to the mall and called my sister collect for a ride.

Here's the kicker. I was so upset about closing b/c I was thinking I would have an early night and so Jamie wanted to pick up a shift b/c I made crap money all week and I only had a sitter until 9. They completly didn't take my priorities in any regard.

So, on the one hand, I'm embarassed about how I reacted. It was probably a little baby-ish. But, on the other, I'm SO angry that they didn't even ASK me if I could close. They just assumed I would. I HATE that. No one called me. No one even told me when I walked in the door. They just expected me to do it with no complaints.

And I never said I wouldn't. I wasn't all like "FUCK THAT! I'm not closing!" I was just like "I need to calm down." Because I was just so angry. They should realize that I am not the kind of person who gets that mad at nothing. I'm usually very complient with them, even though they screw me over a lot. I usually swallow hard and do it with not even a whimper.

So now I'm really nervous about tomorrow. I'm supposed to work at 4 and my boss Libby (Who I love) is having her baby shower there at noon. So I don't know if I'm fired, or suspended, or what. I don't think I would be fired b/c I've never in three years got sent home, but I might be suspended. Honestly, I hope I'm suspended b/c then that means I get Valentine's Day off. But I'm just so nervous. I'm going to feel so awkward tomorrow.
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I've just been feeling so stressed out. Especially with this my Dad and Joy thing. It's really been getting to me. I have all these feelings. Rejection, bitterness, abandonment, everything. And I don't know what to do with them. I don't know if any of them are valid. I hate saying I don't like her, but really..I feel like I don't. But then again, I don't even know her. So I feel this guilt as well.

But she doesn't seem right for our family. She only "tolerates" animals and she "doesn't like big families" because we're "loud". That is the EXACT opposite of whats right for my family.

And I feel like my dad has been ignoring me for her. Putting her before me. And the fact that she seems like she's controlling every aspect of my Dad's life now isn't too settling. What he does, where he goes, when he sees his family. He's been acting really weird and flakey. He's totally twitterpated. Whipped, even.

So, what do you guys think? Any advice for me?

Well, I am going to go work hard to keep Marci from taking a second nap.

Felt good to vent.