And Marci is not making it any easier.
So far, she's been ok today (hope I'm not jinxing it!), but for the last 4 days or so, she has been high gear difficult. She can't ask for anything, she has to scream it. She delibretly disobeys me (as 2 year olds often do), if I say no to ANYTHING or even if I don't say no, but I don't get her something immediatly, she throws a screaming tantrum. We went to Target and the grocery store within the last two days, and both times, I was at my wits end. Complete chaos. Screaming, kicking, hitting, whining, everything. And when I would switch off the cart to Jamie, I'd hear her wailing "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!" I wanted to run away.
And with her acting like this, I came to a new point of frustration. I've never felt so stressed out and overwhelmed as I do now. I think that if she started acting like this earlier in my pregnancy, I wouldn't have been so effected by it. But since its at the end, and since I'm not even completly sure how much longer I have before I am officially a mother of two, it stresses me out even more because I'm thinking "Oh my God. What if she's this bad when I have a little baby to take care of too." It would be a nightmare. I wouldn't know what to do.
And then I also feel guilty. Like, maybe she's acting like this because of me. Because she's not happy. She watches WAY too much tv. So much that, last night, when I tried to read her a book and she kept asking for "Wonder Pets" (this show on Nick Jr that I have DVRed for her), and I told her no more tv, she blew up! So, maybe she's bored. Maybe she doesn't know how to play because she is constantly in front of a screen. I know I need to play with her more. But lately, there are physical restraints to that. I need to find a comfortable way to sit and interact with her because if I try to sit in her room, I am SO uncomfortable with my present..um...body type. I'm even uncomfortable now sitting in this computer chair. Plus, I don't have as much energy anymore. But, I'm going to find a way. I have to. She deserves a better mother than this.
But, I must say, that today she has woken up in much better spirits than she has been lately. AND she slept in her big girl bed last night, which is a HUGE relief to me because I don't know what the hell we'll do if we can't get her to sleep in her own bed when the baby comes. The only thing is, she woke up once, and instead of trying to put her back to sleep, Jamie brought her into our bed! Oh well. There is always tonight. Just one night encourages me.
Speaking of Jamie, WOW. Wow is all I can say. He has been AMAZING. I think this is one of the best I've ever felt with him. He is SO attentive and loving and sweet. He has been spending more time with us without me even asking him. Last night, he came and sat with me in Marci's room and we all played catch for like 40 minutes. He sat in the bathroom with me while I gave Marci a bath. Usually, he'd be on the computer and I'd have to ask him to come in just to say hi. And he's been taking SUCH good care of me. Picking up the house without me asking, bringing me things to drink, ect ect. And then, when we went grocery shopping yesterday, he was ALL about buying healthy things for me and the baby. He had an explaination for everything in the cart. He has just been so wonderful. He's been making me so happy. I don't know anyone who is a better husband and father. Last night, I squeezed him as I thanked God for sending him to me. He is truly my gift.
Well, I gave into Marci's "Wonder Pets" demands but its almost over and I'd like to actually interact with my daughter today.