I've had no motivation to do anything actually which is kind of frustrating. Actually, REALLY frustrating. Especially since I have a huge list of things to do before the baby comes.
I'm just so overwhelmed and yet so tired and lack luster.
I just HAVE to feel more prepared for this baby.
Especially with all the stuff that has been going on for the last five days. I've almost called my midwife every day for the last five days. Monday, it was like my water broke. Jamie and I were walking into our building, I was wearing a dress, and then all of a sudden, it was like a little water balloon fell out of me and water was running ALL down my leg. But then nothing. No contractions. No more water. Nothing.
So, I had a midwife appointment yesterday and I told her everything that has been going on, so she checked me and swabbed me to do a ph test to see if it was amniotic fluid (there was some on the paper on the table too!) and it came out negative. BUT, I am 3cm and 75% effaced and there was blood on her fingers (I had bloody show on Sunday), so she was really confused. She said that if I had a leak on the top of my water sack, that by the time the water came out, it would have a more acidic ph level which could explain why the test came like that, so she was confusd. So, she told us to go home and she was going to check with the doctor to see what his opinion was about whether to INDUCE me or not and she'll call us.
So, Jamie and I went home and sat around all anxious for about an hour. She finally called and (obviously since I'm here to write this) decided not to induce.
On one hand, I'm disappointed b/c A.)I am very excited for this baby and B.)I am SO sick of the anticipation and worry about whether "this is is" every day and it would be nice to just get it over with, not to mention how uncomfortable I am. But, for the most part, I'm relieved b/c I still have so much preperation to do and, if I'm induced, there is NO way I'm not getting an epidural. Induced labor is 100x more painful...believe me...I did induced labor naturally with Marci. And I really don't want an epidural. I really want to do natural childbirth. I'm a very big advocate on natural childbirth and it makes me sad how fast women request for an epidural. Some women just walk right into the hospital and ask for an epidural.
ANYWAY, I'm going to go spend some time with my cuddly daughter. She's been SO cute lately and I want to write down things she's been doing but i should turn the tv off