I am so overwhelmed with life right now. I am juggling trying to keep the house clean, make my kids happy, make sure I am not dirty and smelly every day, writing, money, and trying to get my license.

It just seems like it takes all my energy to just live. Life is very exhausting.

I feel almost like I have nothing else to give. And the saddest thing is my kids are suffering the most out of this phase of depression. I do not have enough energy to play with them a whole lot and I am constantly snapping at Marci. When its the end of the day and she has fallen asleep on the couch, I look at her. I look at this beautiful little girl I created. My first born. I watch her delicate eyelashes flutter as they rest on her cheeks. Her bottom lip cozily tucked into her mouth. Her mussed hair on her forehead. And I want to cry. I want to cry out of guilt because every day I feel like a shit mother. I know I have said that before, but this time, I really FEEL it. I really feel how I am treating her is wrong. I screamed at her the other day for dropping ice cream on the carpet and she started crying. I made her cry. It ripped out my heart.

I just don't know what to do because there is nothing TO do. Jamie can't cut back on work OR school. He is stressed as well.

Although I understand this, I do still feel like I need more from him. He is hardly ever here. Yesterday was his day off from both work and school and he was still gone about three hours. Gym, his mom's, then to his brother's to watch the Cavs game. The baby hardly knows him. She cries when he holds her. That not only makes me sad, but that frustrates me because then I feel like I can't get a break without her crying. Hearing my baby cry isn't relaxing for me. And I also never get any alone time with Marci because Jamie is never here to take the baby for me to do so. I just wish I felt like we were more of a priority to him. These little girls are only going to be little for a small amount of time.

I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I feel completely stuck on a solution to this. I'm having a hard time seeing an end to everything going on.

I just hope I can work things out.