I know society says that men are the stupid ones when it comes to relationships, but expieriance (with knowing many girls and being one) tells me that we are the stupid ones.
We are so complex.
We never know exactly what we want.
We can't make decisions.
We cheat just as much as guys (if not more, but we don't admit it).
We feel like since we are women and we have breasts, that we can easily twist and manipulate men.
We look for problems in a flawless relationship. And when we can't find any, we invent them.
We love drama.
We love to know we're loved and men will do anything for us.
We never know what we have till we're on the edge of losing it. Then we almost lose it again and again.
We say things just to see what reaction we'll get.
Why are we like this? Why can't we just be happy with what we have? Why do we have to go out hunting for imperfections?
Jamie's and my relationship was perfect. There was nothing that I would change. He was attentive enough, he was sweet, romantic, everything. And he loved me. He truly loved me.
Then I let a wedge from Florida drive itself in between us.
I have been hurt before. I have felt the gut renching pain of heartbreak. But I've never really hurt anyone before (that I know of), and that hurts almost worse.
I really hurt Jamie.
I hurt him so badly that it stopped him from sleeping and made him sick.
I did that.
We almost broke up. He came over this morning and said those words to me. "I think we should break up." Each of those words contained needles that pierced my skin.
I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I was so upset that I couldn't even cry. It's weird crying without tears.
Everything eventually got figured out in the end, but just knowing that I hurt him that badly tears me apart.
I really wish there was a stronger word than love because just saying that doesn't seem to sum up things for me.
Jamie has completly altered who I am. For the best. I'm a better, more honest person. I am completly ok with doing whatever I have to to make him happy. Even if it doesn't make me happy. I would do anything for him. I give up myself for him. Things aren't even about me anymore. I've never had that with anyone.
I'm gonna make it up to him. Do everything in my power to make him have no other choice but believe in how much I love him. Because there is no doubt in my mind that he is what I really want.