Alright so.....I have to stop doing this stuff. You know, being too lazy to update then just give you a day to day count of what went on. But, I'm gonna do it anyway.

Friday: Friday was one of the most FUCKED up days I've ever had. (Pardon my French.) I went to work and did something REALLY stupid. My friend Danielle gave me two stackers to give me energy b/c I was so worn out. Well, I chased them with Mountin Dew. If you don't know what a stacker is, don't worry....its nothign illegal. It's a diet/energy pill and one of the strongest on the market. It has an ingredient (unbeknownst to ME) that they put in speed. At first, it was a good feeling, I had energy and I was zipping around that place. Then, it all kept getting faster and faster. Like the world, my heart and my legs kept speeding up, until finally I broke down. I started shaking uncontrollably, and crying for no reason. I remember right before it, I was standing at the computer entering in an order and I just felt like something was going to happen. And then it did. I had to go into the dining room. I sat in there and shook and cried. It was so horrible. I felt so strange for the rest of the night. I slept over Jamie's so he could take care of me and I didn't fall asleep until 7 in the morning. I just kept feeling like I was shaking. It was so horrible.

Saturday: Worked from 11-4. Then....um....I don't really remember what I did.

Sunday: Worked ALL day. 10 hours. Some guy left me a cent. A CENT! And not just a penny...no no no...he CHARGED it. Which made it even MORE disrespectful. I was tempted to take his credit card number but, I'm a better person then that so I didn't.

Monday: (Yesturday) Went to the mall. Paid my Target bill. Dyed my hair red. (YES RED!). Went to Mike's for a bbq with Carla and Jamie. Looked up more pictures of Paris Hilton on the computer. All that jazz.

So thats it. Thats my week. But yeah, I dyed my hair. It's not like RED red...its a brown red. I look like MJ from Spiderman.

I can't believe that the summer is almost over. I feel like I wasted it all. I mean, really? What have I done? Hardly any summer-y stuff. Hardly anything I PLANNED on. I didn't excersize, I didn't go on bike rides all the time, I didn't go camping. Nothing that can fall under the "Summer to do list" category. It is sort of depressing because I was looking forward to Summer so badly. But then again, it has been shit weather until recently. Rain rain rain every day. Floods. Cool temperatures. So it's not enTIRELY my fault. It just seemed like everythng went so fast. I'm struggling now to see all my favorite people before they go back to school. It seems like I have SO many things to do and SO many people to see within the next week. It boggles me. I really wish they weren't leaving. How everything has changed. I know it is supposed to change. I know it was inevitable that one day, we'd all be scattered in different directions, but all this "knowing" doesn't help me cope with the fact that some of my best friends are hours away from me on a daily basis. I mean, what if I need them? Yet again, its all about me. It always is.

Also, I've been trying to come to terms with a lot of stuff in my life lately. I wish there was just a "Life for Dummies" book you could buy that would tell you what decisions to make in what situations. The hardest thing about it is figuring things out for yourself...and hoping you make the right choices. I hate doing things for myself. I always have. Whether it's getting one of the kitchen guys to reach the salad for me at work, or findind someone to tell me what to do with my life. Thats what I feel I need, but I need to fight that feeling. I need to find my independence I think. I think thats what it is. I'm just walking through this world looking for people. I need to look more for myself. Maybe thats why my insides have been so twisted lately.

Everything is so twisted lately.