I know this probably sounds overdramatic, but life right now doesn't hold a lot of value to me. It doesn't seem like anything makes me happy enough to make it all worth it. I feel bad saying that seeing as I have a husband and a baby--and the guilt from that adds to everything as well. I know they should be enough--especially Marci--I should want to live for her. I do and I don't. The selfish part of me doesn't, but luckily my mother side is winning.
I don't really feel like a person lately. I'm getting so sick of this rollercoaster that my emotions are part of. It just seems like nothing I do is worth it anymore and all these flaws that I despise myself for--my laziness, my sloppyness, my inability to follow through with anything--will never change. They are my demons and they'll never go away. I'm not good for anything. The only thing about me that I'm proud of is that I'm not a terrible looking person--and looks are fleeting so...
Sorry for the whining. I just feel like no one will listen to me. Not even my own husband listens. He's sick of it and shuts me out when I try to talk to him, which only makes it worse.
I hope this is PMS or else it means I'm going crazy like I thought.
In other less pathetic news; I got a second job cocktailing at Alberini's. I should make enough there to stay in my apartment.
The End