She turned one a week ago (May 26th), but I haven't felt like writing so here I am.
She said her first word a couple days ago. Now, all we here is "uh oh!" and the clapping of her hands. She's learning more and more every day and its really starting to amaze me how fast she is picking stuff up. Jamie and I had a BEAUTIFUL day yesterday. Aside from getting lost, that is. We took our little family to Fellow's Riverside Garden in Mill Creek Park and everything smelled so fresh and real. Like this was what the world was supposed to be like. And my little Marciba took FOUR steps there!!! FOUR!! She's going to be WALKING soon. It's almost too much to comprehend.
I'm supposed to be cleaning and packing up the nursery. I thought it would be a smaller job then it actually is and I'm getting frustrated and I want to quit. But I really shouldn't. Even if I just get it READY to pack, then that will be an accomplishment. But, I've been working on it for two hours, and there is still a huge pile of clothes staring at me. Its a little de-motivating.
So, I laid in that huge pile of clothes...wearing the cheese hat that Anne brought us from Wisconsin...and I prayed. I prayed for a personal miracle. This miracle would keep us in this apartment and out of Jamie's mom's house. I keep thinking about moving in there and it is going to be so hard for me. I mean...seriously...what the hell am I gonna do? Well, at least I'll have enough money to get a camera and go to the beach. The money factor is the only thing keeping me going.
But I just want to stay here. Here with my little family and my little neighborhood. Here where my life changed and I feel like I"ve really grown up (for the most part). How can I move backwards when I've already moved so much forward?