First off, I would like to say that I have been updating like crazy lately. Maybe too fast for you all to keep up. So click the "Last Time on Katie's Diary" button if you want. If I could figure out how to get my "Last 5 Entries" thing to work, I wouldn't have this problem!
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So, its funny (but not in a ha ha way) that I wrote that entry about my friends yesterday. Yesterday turned out to be a big "friend" issues day. Some for the good, some for the very very wrong and hurtful.

Lets start off with the good.

I went to my sister Tia's yesterday and there, I got to talk to a friend I haven't talked to for probably 5 months or so. Amanda. Amanda used to live across the street from my sister and Tia actually helped deliver her baby! It's a big long story. Anyway, her daughter Addison is one month almost to the day younger than Marci so we spent a lot of time together up until she moved to Toledo with her husband in April or so.

While she was gone, she filed for divorce from her husband because he was addicted to porn and phone sex! It was oh-so dramatic, but I'm happy to say that they are back together and he is getting help for his addiction. She's a really fun girl and I'm really really happy that we got back in touch. Hopefully she'll come down for a visit soon.

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DISCLAIMER: This part of my diary is very personal, and I am risking a lot sharing it here.

Ok, not onto the part that I am using my music to influence my writing.

I don't know if I would really go as far as to say "treacherous", but I definatly feel betrayed.

Emily has been my friend since 5th grade and she was also my maid of honor. Carla was my best friend from highschool and we used to be attached at the hip.

Well, for quite some time now, I have felt that Emily and Carla have been avoiding me. I'd invite them to do something and they'd always have a reason why they couldn't do it. And they never actually invite me anywhere anymore. I tried to let it go. Think nothing of it. But, to be honest, I felt really rejected. Now, I feel even more so.

Well, it all came to a head yesterday.

Emily and Carla (and now probably a lot of friends from my highschool) think that I have a problem with cocaine and that also my friends have a problem with cocaine.

This, of course, is total bullshit.

I will admit that I did do coke a couple of times. This is something that I am really not proud of and something that I will NEVER do again. It was after my brother died and I was in a depression for a chunk of the summer. But, I in no way had a problem. I was not an addict. A cokehead. A junki. I only did it a very small number of times and that was months ago. I'm completly embarassed by it and done with it at the same time.

And also, none of my friends are cokeheads. Not even in the least. There is one girl that I work with that has a problem with it, but I wouldn't consider her one of my good friends. I worry about her.She has an abusive boyfriend who made her get an abortion and her life is really going down the drain. I am one of the only people that seems to actually care about her well being so she'll call me to talk sometimes. Well, she called me the last time I saw Emily and Carla (which was months ago) and I explained to them who she is. That is probably why they think all my friends do it.

I told her that the only difference between my friends and her and Emily is that they call me and want to see me.

So, that was the basic jist of the conversation. But the part that stings the most is this: In their mind, I have a problem with drugs. So, instead of being real friends and trying to help me, they shun me. They ignore me. They make up excuses not to see me. And if you think that these people I am hanging around are the ones who are bad influences, why wouldn't you try to get me away from them? Invite me out so I wouldn't have to go out with them? No. When Jasmine found out what I did, within minutes, she was on the phone screaming at me. Asking me why I would do something so stupid. Thats the kind of friend I want. And I promised her I would never do it again, and I haven't.

Lucky for me, I don't have this problem. If I was drowing, they would sit and watch me from the bank.

She actually said that she doesn't want to be seen with me or my friends because she doesn't want people to think that she does drugs too. This was a low blow too. She said I party too much. I go out once every two weeks. Sometimes once a week, and when I do, I only have one or two drinks. By the way she was making it out, you would think I am a huge partyer that constantly dumps my child on anyone who will take her, mostly my husband, so I can go hang out with my junki friends.And I'm sure that that is the image a lot of people from highschool have of me now thanks to them.

And what I think is absolutly hilarious is throughout the whole conversation, she kept saying "I'm here for you." Bull shit your here for me! If you were here for me, I would have heard about this right from the start. I would see your face and hear your voice more than once every three fucking months! You've never been "here for me."

And then it hit me. My relationship with Carla started to grow distant right when I found out I was pregnant. When my life got hard, she bailed. She always bails.

I don't know why I am wasting my time with this. Although I do not have a lot of close friends, the ones I do have I really treasure.

Rose and Jasmine and Maggie and Mer. They are my best friends. The ones I can tell anything to without fear of judgement. The ones who will try to make me laugh when all I want to do is cry. The ones who will let me know how much they miss me, especially when I am having a bad day. I love them so much.

John and Dave. My two best guy friends. Both of them have had their "asshole" phases, but they mean the world to me.

Nicole and Anne. Along with Maggie, these girls are among my greatest treasures from highschool.

Amy. My newest close friend. I am happy that we have gotten this close even after she quit Damons.

And all my friends from Damons. Even though I'm not close to all of them, I am close to each of them in a special way and I have so much fun with them.

And I have more friends then this. These are just my closest friends. I guess I'm more blessed then I thought.
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Ok, onto something completly different.

Crab legs.

Yesterday, me and my neices Anna and Julia went to the Chinese buffet for their awesome all you can eat crab legs. First off, it was a blast being able to have some girl time with my 14 and 17 year old neices. Talking about boys,makeup,religion. We covered all the bases. But, after about two plates of crab legs, they stopped bringing them out! We waited for 50 minutes for more crab legs! It was all we could talk about at the table. "Where are the crab legs?" "Do you think they are waiting to see if more people want them?" "Wait...is that guy bringing more crab legs?" Well, finally we gave up and left. But I have to say, it was NOT all I could eat!