I'm depressed because I'm sick. I hate being cooped up in the house without going anywhere or doing anything productive. I feel like such a waste of space. A void of a person.
Right now I am debating calling off work. Although I do NOT feel well enough to wait on people, I promised Marcus I would go out with him tonight for his birthday. Granted, I could call off and go out later on, but I would feel terrible about that. Now that I think of it, however, I really don't feel well enough to sit in a bar. Let alone drink.
So where does that leave me today? It leaves me in this apartment with a VERY whiney toddler and a husband who spends 95% of his time playing computer games, me in my pajamas with a blue blanket wrapped around me. What a life, huh?
I used to like being sick. It was an excuse to be lazy. But, when you have a Marciba, you can't be lazy because she won't let you. I would love to just rent a bunch of movies and veg out on the couch today but she definatly won't let me watch movies in peace and Jamie is too busy playing his stupid games to actually entertain her. I was SO irritated with him yesterday that I had to tell him not to talk to me or I would snap. He hardly helped me with her at ALL. She didn't go to bed until almost 3 am last night! Her schedule is really draining me. So I decided to wake her up at 10, hoping that it will have her go to bed earlier tonight, and I let Jamie sleep for an extra hour. When it was my turn to sleep at 11, Marci pounded on my bedroom door for 70% of the time I was trying to sleep and then Jamie comes to wake me up 10 minutes EARLY. I am NOT having a good day.
And then, on the other hand, I feel like a terrible mother. Plopping my daughter in front of the tv for show after show to give me a little peace. She's probably so fussy b/c she's bored. And I don't blame her. But what else am I supposed to do with little to no help?
Sigh. I just feel like emotional and physical crud today.