I know I mention this song a lot, but I can't stop myself from saying that it is my favorite song of all time.
When I hear this song, I have trouble being myself. I have trouble being anything. It's like all I am is this song. It washes over me and becomes the soundtrack to my moment. I feel like this song is part of my soul.
Is that strange to think of a song like that? Maybe it's because of where I first heard it: The series finale of Six Feet Under, my favorite show of all time. And what it meant to those last 4 minutes and 30 seconds of its 5 year run. What it depicted and represented. I was more moved by that than anything I've ever seen on television.
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Wow. That was some rambling. Attempt to be deep rambling, but rambling none the less.
I have been gone for 6 days. I have been trying to write an entry, but I can't get my mind to sit still enough to write anything worth it. I really haven't had that much happen to me.
I went out last Saturday. After only making 55 dollars. It was my first time being out in a LONG time...for me, at least. It was fun. Nothing too exciting.
My sister and her four..count'm...four kids are coming to stay with ME this weekend. In my two bedroom apartment. I am worried b/c of Marci's bedtime compared to their bedtimes. 9 pm vs. 2 am. Hopefully it works out. Even though its smaller, I think that we'll have fun.
OH here's something. I think my dad and her new (new being week long) girlfriend are engaged. I say I THINK b/c he told Jamie's mom this and she told us and at FIRST I didn't believe it b/c I would think he would mention it to me, but then when I called him later tonight, he said "I am on the other line, but when I get off, I have some exciting news." (<--world's longest run-on sentence) What else could it be? He's very twitter-pated by this woman--Joy. I've met her and she seems VERY nice, but my Dad hasn't even known her for a month. Maybe I am not the to one to be lecturing seeing how Jamie and I were engaged after 2 months. But that was 2 MONTHS. Of seeing eachother every single day! I don't know. I don't know how I feel about this situation. I mean, I'm happy for my Dad..and I like her..but it still doesn't feel comfortable to me. Its not something I'm going to hold against him or her b/c, for some reason, I feel like he's "replacing" my mom or "betraying" her...b/c I think thats stupid. She's not coming back anytime soon, and I don't want my Dad to be alone. But, I guess my whole thing is I don't want him to love her more than my mom.Yeah that fits. But I will not let this very small issue hold my Dad back or cause any spite towards anyone. I want him to be happy.
My sister's husband got laid off this week. My sister is going to be doing a lot more concerts to make up the other 40% of the 60% he'll be getting from unemployment. He really didn't like his job and his hours took him away from his family pretty much the whole day. He rarely spent any time with them. So, maybe this will be a good thing. Maybe he can find something to do that makes him happy. Tia had the most interesting metaphor about it today. It was SO good that I shouted outloud like "ah HA!". She said it's like when there is a power outage at night. You know you should be scared, but you find all the challenges to help yourself deal with this loss of something critical are really fun. And sometimes you even get a little disappointed when the lights come back on. They are a strong family. They can get through it.
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Last but not least, Emily and I traveled up to Austintown to the indie theater and saw "Capote" with Phillip Seymoure Hoffman. I've been wanting to see it for a while, and I finally found someone willing to go with me.
All I can say is it was brilliant. SIMPY brilliant. It evoked so much out of me. I never felt the movie theater around me the whole time. I was constantly in the movie. It kept you really guessing over the main character, Truman Capote's heart. Questioning his motives at every turn.
I was constantly thinking.
Ok why am I still writing when I have a cuddly husband on the couch with nothing to hold?