I used to never try for anything. I guess I felt like, if I tried, I'd most likely fail anyway and I'd like to spare myself that disappointment.

So basically, besides Jamie, I've just been floating through life. Sometimes I bump into stuff, but mostly, I'm just floating.

Until recently.

I don't know what happened, but a couple a months ago, its like something inside me snapped into place. Something rose up from my toes and into my head saying "Start going for what you want."

And lately, I see what I want, and I go for it, and pretty much everything I've tried for has worked out.

I know I've probably mentioned this before. I'm talking mostly in regards to the fact that I want to be a writer, and that I'm actually finally becoming one. I've been getting freelance jobs everytime I turn around. Articles, blogs, children's books.

Children's books. I got hired to write one and as I was writing, it I felt like "Oh my GOD! THIS IS IT! This is what I'm supposed to do!" So, I finished the book, and they liked it SO much (LOVE is a better word) that they hired me to write a sequel. I'm also working on a children's book for myself that the guy I wrote HIS children's book for is going to help me publish. He told me I am one of the best children's writers he's ever come across. (total gloating, but I don't care!)

And another thing....

There is this Rocker/Punk/Emo/ect ect modeling company that I've admired for a long time. They take beautiful girls with tattoos and piercings...models that wouldn't fit into the mainstream fashion world...and photograph them in beautiful sets. Well, the other day, Jamie and I were playing around with out camera after the girls went to bed. The next day, I mailed them my photos and in TWO HOURS, they emailed me back with a contract, W9 tax forms, and a chance to go to New York City for a photoshoot.

I feel magic lately. Like anything I try, I can succeed. I feel like I'm finally a participant in life, instead of floating around watching other people get what they've always wanted.

Life is good when you figure out what you want to do with it.