How rare! A moment of peace to write in my diary! Something I seldom ever have. The baby that I have is NOT a fan of people being on the computer! Not just me, anyone! She comes and pulls on your knee and crawls under the computer desk and cries and cries until you get off. So, Baby Einstein is doing the bebesitting while I steal a few moments to update.

Although there isn't much to update on.

I have been a little depressed lately since Jamie is gone more than ever. Between school, work, his academic fraternities and honor societies, the gym, and tending to his crazy mother, home is where he spends the least time. Its really taking a toll on the family, especially Marci. Marci is an angel when its just me and the girls, but when Jamie is here, she really acts out and its been difficult. Its hard to have a relaxed day with the family with her behavior around Jamie. I am really at a loss of what to do about it.

Jamie and I have been good when Im' not being crazy. My anxieties have been getting the best of me lately so I started seeing a therapist. I can't believe how much I have changed. Sometmies I feel like I am going crazy. When you have panic attacks over whether or not you are going to spontaneously combust, that does sound a little crazy. I really want to go on medication, but Jamie doesn't want me to while I am breastfeeding. I don't know what to do about it, then, b ut I feel like it is beyond just "talking" about it with a therapist. I really feel like I need drugs.

I need to remember that whenever I feel like Jamie is distant and not as loving as I would like, that it isn't because he is cheating on me or he doesn't love me. Its stress. Its all stress. When he is not stressed out, he is a different person! He is the man I married. Attentive, sweet, kind. Last night he had a really good class and he came home so happy and fun and it made me happy and fun. During his two week break before this semester, he was like that all the time! So I just need to keep it in my head that he DOES love me and he DOES want me...he just gets stressed out easily.

The girls have been good. I need to make more time to write in their diary. I know I will regret it. Squishy will be 11 months on the tenth of October and I just can NOT believe it. We booked the clubhouse for her first birthday! Its going to be a "Punk Rock Princess" birthday party and I will cover her in fake tattoos! I am STOKED!

Alright well the baby found me! I was hiding!