I really have been very busy. Squishy's party was two Saturdays ago and since I am a loon about my kids' birthday parties, I was occupied planning and re-planning well before the day. I did go a little overboard, but it was awesome! We did a "Punk Rock Princess" theme and had a tattoo parlor, "Pin the tattoo on the rock star" game, and tons of blow up guitars and skull and cross bones with little pink ribbons on their heads. Squish wore black and white stripped leg warmers, a onesie that said "Mom" in a tattoo-style heart, and a red ridiculas tutu I ordered online. OH and a pair of brand new pink converse chuck taylors. We also ordered special realistic temp tattoos and I gave her a half sleeve! It was so cute! I originally bought her a shirt that said "My Mom Loves Dumb Guys with Tattoos" but Jamie found it "insulting". All in all, my hard work paid off and she had a very "merry squishmas".
This year was my very first Thanksgiving. We threw it at our apartment for my family, my sister Tami's family of 6 and my sister Maria's family of three and it was a hit. We rented some tables to fit us all and it was so much fun to cook along side my sisters. The dinner was AMAZING, if I do say so myself, and afterwards, we went to Tia's house for dessert and a family game of Balderdash. It really was one of the best Thanksgivings I have had in a while. Since my mom died, most holidays feel so empty. Our family traditions were slowing eroding. But this year, all of my siblings and I have decided to fight that and make the extra effort it takes to keep those traditions and happy times alive for our families. My childhood is loaded with memories of happy and FULL holidays with my bigger-than-most family and I want my children to have the same warm feelings towards their childhood holidays.
Another reason I haven't written is my heart is very heavy lately regarding my dad. For almost two months, things have been going from bad to worse with him and his relationship with the rest of the family. I harbor so much bitterness and resentment towards him and Joy and I don't know how to free myself from it! We didn't see him for Thanksgiving and he never even asked what we were doing. He was invited, but decided to go to Joy's friend's house instead. I haven't seen him for two weeks and our phone calls are down to 0 now. He used to have such a special relationship with Marci and it breaks my heart that it has faded now. I keep telling myself that I don't care anymore. That I don't need a close relationship with him anymore in my life. But, the truth is, I am just a little girl who misses her daddy. I was always his baby and this woman has torn apart our relationship. She is ALWAYS there with him, too. I haven't seen him alone since the end of JUNE! I have a feeling that as long as she has such a firm control on his life, this resentment will never lift. I feel like an orphan more and more each day.
Can I also point out that I got to write this entire entry with NO interupption from any child?? Thats amazing!! I really do need to try to make more time to update. Like my dear Lerin has said, 15 minutes a day shouldn't be too hard.