A big part of the beginning of my day was spent sitting out on my porch swing, tangled in a blanket, reading Harry Potter while the thunder crashed and the rain poured.
I did, also, clean my room...some.
So, after a dozen basements flooded, carpets ruined, and cars broken down later, the storm finally stopped at about 11 p.m. We lost our lifeline that we made for my mom's memorial in my sisters basement. All these baby pictures and various other pictures of my mom are ruined. I'd rather not think about that right now.
Funny how the storm calmed down, but yet, I feel like my insides are forming into their own weather. I guess I'm a lot more settled then I was 40 minutes ago. I just really hate how this summer is so filled with change. More change then I know what to do with. I miss the careless summers of the past. Swimming at Wilsons, going to the lube, partying whenever possible, laying out with the girls, playing cards with the guys. I can't describe exactly how things have changed, but they have. Its just in the air. It hovers and whispers to me. I just want it to shut up and things to go back to how they were. I just have this huge fear that I'm never going to have close friends again. Everyone has their own lives now far from this place, and soon, Carla and Emily will have theres too...and then it will just be me and Jamie. The married couple that no one really talks to anymore. I guess my fear of that has caused me to lash out on some people. *cough MAGGIE cough* I just don't want to get lost. I feel like I'm getting lost. Creating a new world for myself that I'm lost in. Well, if anything helps, its knowing that Jamie and I can be stranded in our new world together.
I guess thats all for tonight.