Sometimes I think I'm two people inside myself.

One whose living for the world outside..

And one whose living for the world with in.

One who sees people as flesh and blood..

And one who sees people as emotion and feeling.

Both need to be dealt with in different ways.

A brush on the hand or a kiss on the cheek for the body..

And a passionate stare for the soul.

A punch or a slap for the body..

And coldness and distance for the soul.

It seems like my life is all a game. It seems like certain actions gain certain points for the two people inside me. Nothings wrong with me. I'm not crazy. At least *I* don't think so. Right now. I'm just in one of those "psuedo self-realization/understanding" modes. I know some of you are thinking "What is up with her?" Nothings "up with me" or "down with me". I'm just trying to tap into my mind and emotion and write something worth something as opposed to one of those "I did this today" stories that no one gets anything out of. Not that anyone will get anything out of this, either.

I think I'm searching too deep for something with substance.

If all else fails....

(which it has)..

turn to the "THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING" topics!

So Canada is in 2 days. I'm pretty siked. I have to go get a new ID b/c my permit expired. Go figure.

I dreamt about Canada. I just remembered. Niagra Falls was in a plaza and Betty White was there. And she had a bowl of soup and she didn't want her daughter, who was really a lighting bug, to touch the soup b/c she is a lighting bug and no one wants bugs in their soup. Then, without any notice or outlandishness, the lighting bug turned into Ellen Degeneres. And no one really paid any attentio to it. Because, after all, this stuff happens all the time.

What does that dream mean? I don't see any hints of "personal strife" or "you have problems relating to your father" in there...so what deep meaning does it have for me? None whatsoever. Just a way for my brain to pass the time until I woke up. I wish it would do something useful while I sleep. Like clean my room.

So get this...

I have a crush on this girl in my history class.

Yeah, I said girl.

And no, I don't mean in the lesbian way.

I'm not a LESBIAN.

When I look at her, I don't want to get in the nuddy pants.

I don't know what I want. Any physical activity doesn't sound inviting, so nix that. She's just so cute! She dresses so adorable and has long pretty black hair. She's the prettiest black chick I ever done see. And whats weird, I get all nervous around her. Like she's SHAKIRA or something! I ask Jamie "Do I look ok??" when we're in class. I don't think it has anything sexual to do with it. I just think I idolize her for her beauty and keen sense of style. I think I just appreciate beauty in all forms. Male or Female.

But I love my JAMIE's beauty the most ;)

He's waiting for me to call him. No better way in my mind to go to bed then to the sound of his voice...