So, I really have no idea why I haven't written in so long. Or why I always have these chunks of time between my entries. I think its because I have no time to be alone with my thoughts. All my entries now are written in between veggie tales movies or marci's temperary fixation with putting anything and everything behind her little pooh couch. Neither of which lasts long, so I don't have much time to relax.
At all.
Living here is getting so hard. I feel like my insides are shriveling up. I just really have NO time to myself. At the apartment, when she would take a nap, it would be in a completly seperate room so I wouldn't have to worry about the tv being on or my typing being too loud. Now, our whole life is in one little room. I'm constantly managing myself. And this is all happening when I feel myself really branching out and when I feel like I could do incredible things. Like, get something published or do well in school. But the stress of everything is so heavy that its crushing me. I feel constantly on edge and that is such a hard way to live. But, I guess I will have to keep my chin up and pray that God helps me cope.
Other than that craziness, my days have been going pretty well. Jamie and I are magical again, you can't even fathom how cute the Ba is, and I know longer work at a place that I dread going. Instead, I work at a place where I am surrounded by friends and people that care about me and where it is perfectly ok to sit outside the building in lawn chairs on a beautiful day drinking beer with your boss.....on the clock, none the less. My first weekend back (I say back even though I never left but I haven't worked a weekend in a while. And weekends prove to always be interesting) was wonderful and familiar.Even when I offended a customer and they left, it was still fun. The thing with that is, is I don't see how you can walk into a sports bar in OHIO and ask if the OSU game is on. So I laughed at him and said "no. We don't show sports here" and he chuckled back saying "Oh really? Well what about the race" and playing back I say "No not at all. We only show kids programming here. Teletubbies, the wiggles, Barney is especially popular in the bar" and then his laughing stopped and he looked at me with contempt at what he thought was sarcastic snobbiness when in fact it was nothing but playful jesting and said "OK then!" and STORMED out the door, ignoring my calls of "I'm just joking!" Apparently, some people have no sense of humor.
Other things have happened since I last wrote. Nothing too extrodinary thought. A trip to the flower gardens, doing big things with Emily and Carla, and I have written four more chapters to the story that I started in April and have been way too lazy and unmotivated to do anything with. Now, I am obsessed with it. I have had nights where I haven't fallen asleep until 4 am b/c I am haunted with thoughts and words and stories in my head that I want to put in my story. And I'm constantly reading it over and over again and making little notes because I want it to be perfect. I want it to be PUBLISHED. And then I will feel like I actually put something into this world besides a Marciba.
Let me know if you want to see it.
I really don't have anything else to say so I think I will just surf the net for nothing in particular.