-I'm learning that I'm the type of person who wants everything to be beautiful. I want to take the world in and process it into poetry.
-I get annoyed at people who can't see the simple pleasures in the little things.I am all about looking beyond the surface and making an adventure out of anything.
-I want to create art because art makes life gorgeous.
-I like everything to be intimate and personal.
-I like people who make me think and question and dream.
And I feel like I'm constantly lying to myself. Constantly molding my thoughts to fit into the easiest situation. I feel like I'm growing out of this pot I've been planted in and pretty soon, my roots will crack the clay. But its complicated. I'm stationed by obligation. By responsibility. And most importantly, by love. So, I'm conflicted. Do I run and try to branch out or do I stay and make the world fit for the greater good? But what is the greater good? Without knowing the future, I have no idea. So thats why, for now, I live in my head. Thinking and dreaming of being honest and what it would be like to not be complicated.
I feel like I am constantly muting who I am to avoid judgement from him. And its getting to me.
Here's a poem I wrote randomly in class today:
I'm a dreamer.
I live among the transparent clouds, letting my head float into the almost impossible.
But you wake me up.
I'm a flyer.
I soar and glide along the west winds, stretching my feathers against the sky.
But you clip my wings.
I'm a lover.
My heart thrives on affection and passion and my skin spikes at romance.
But you shrug me off.
I'm a thinker.
I dive into the depths of my mind and chisel out meaning. My mind is open and sponging up everything.
But you drain me.
Everything I love about myself you seem to tame.
You don't like me wild and raw.
You don't like me off my leash.
The things I hold dear to me, you mock.
Guess I should shut up to avoid a fight
and let you settle me down into what *you* want me to be.
Why is it whenever I watch "The Notebook" I think of that summer with Patrick?