Things were pretty low since my last entry, but they have been perking up in the last couple days. I seriously came close to a nervous breakdown on Monday and called my sisters in hysterics and begging for help. I was feeling so incredibly anxious, overwhelmed, and depressed that I really couldn't handle things on my own anymore. My sister Maria came by for an hour and a half and held the baby while I got some cleaning done. My apartment has been in absolute shambles for a couple weeks and it was adding to my depression. I had totaled it up and Jamie is going to be away 52 hours a week! THAT did not help with the whole panicky state I was in.
BUT, things are looking up. I have made a conscience decision to change my attitude, and change my life (sounds very motivational speaker, doesn't it?). Seriously! I've been keeping my driving appointments every week and that is going better then expected, and I'm going to pursue things with more force then I ever have. Because I DO have talent and I AM worth more than I give myself credit for. And I need to step up,not just for me, but for my little family. No more of this martyr shit. Yeah I have a lot on my plate, but so do a lot of people. I'm sick of whining about it. Jamie's gone a lot, but at least when he's home, he's a help. He cleans, he cooks, he's sweet and loving, and he's a great dad. Thats more than a lot of people can say.
So, today marks my "New Beginning". I am going to improve myself as a wife, homemaker, mother and person. I am going to make this apartment a home every day and GET ORGANIZED. No more staying in the same pajamas for days on end. No more going 6 days without washing my hair. I am going to pick up after myself, put things away after I use them, and do dishes at least twice a day. Garbage goes in the garbage can, and clothes go in the dresser or the hamper, NOT the floor. AMEN.
My sister gave me this book called "Sidetracked Home Executives" and its all about becoming organized for the innately UNorganized, like myself. Tia said it changed her life, so I'm starting the system. She's going to help me make my card box that it requires and everything.
Speaking of new beginnings, I got hired at an online magazine! I'm not quite sure what exactly I'll be doing, but I know I'll make 50$ for every piece of writing I submit. I'll have "assignments" and all that neat stuff! I'm really thrilled about it. I feel so happy knowing I'll be making money from something that I feel I was born to do. No hostessing, no waitressing. Writing. It makes me really feel like I'm actually on track to something. Something I can tell people and feel proud about it. I'm still working on getting some other freelance projects, but this is a good start.
Alright thats enough for now.
My sister