Today is one of those days.
It hasn't been a bad day. Just a stressful one. I don't even know why, actually. I am just the most stressed out I have ever been. If I was a smoker, I'd be smoking. If I was a pot head, I would be toked right now. Times like this make me wish I was.
I don't know what it is. Just everything is getting to me. I felt like I was having a panic attack in the store today. I found it hard to breath, my legs felt all limp, my heart beat quickened and it felt like my whole body was shaking but it wasn't. I have never had that before. I feel it a little now, too, but not as bad. What the hell does that mean?
I feel like I am going to snap or have a nervous breakdown. I feel like the next word someone says to me (especially if this someone is my dad) is going to push me over into crazy-town. Mostly it is my family. Just everything that surrounds my family right now is building up and suffocating me. I feel like saying "Oh fuck it" and just giving up on everything. But I can't. I especially can't give up on my mom. It seems like I can't go 20 minutes without someone telling me what I should be doing or doing differantly or telling me something that is wrong with ME. Today, I was watching tv, and my dad started playing the keyboard like 5 feet from me at full blast and I felt like throwing the remote control at him. Hopefully this is all just hormones.
In lighter news, my first day of work went well. I don't know if you can call it work, since all we did was fill out papers, watch videos, and try on bras. It seems like such a fun place to be, though. It reminds me of that British comedy "Are You Being Served?" We get points and what not for getting a sale and it makes it all into a big game. I like games. Plus we get mad discounts. I think I'm really going to like it there.
Sigh I miss Jamie. He has been working all day. He should be home pretty soon, though. I really want to talk to him. So many times today did I reach for the phone to call him but then realized he is at work. Damn him and having a job.
Alright.....things are calming down a bit. I don't know what I will do right now, but I know I about juiced my brain for thoughts enough.