Lately, I feel like it is Jamie and Marci and then me and Scarlett. I can only count one night this week where I didn't cry watching Jamie and Marci hold hands as they go to bed in our room while I sit on the couch, where I have to sleep.
And it doesn't help that Marci is all about Daddy lately. I thought thats what I wanted. I thought I wanted to loosen the mother/daughter bond just a tad so she wouldn't have a hard time with the new baby. But its really not. Tonight, she cried at the bathroom door while Jamie showered. "Daddy! Daddy! Come out!" He took her to play at McDonalds and then they went to see Happy Feet together. It was sweet that they got a Marci/Daddy date, but I have to admit I was a little jealous. I wanted to be there to share in Marci's first movie at the movie theater.
And what makes it worse, is I feel like I'm constantly telling her not to do something. "Don't touch the baby's eyes!" "Don't run around baby Scarlett!" "No, Marci, put that down!" And saying no to her requests to play catch or draw or play with her Diego rescue center in her room. She'll grab my hand while I'm nursing and say "lets go!" and it breaks my heart to let go of her hand and tell her I can't.
I know "this too shall pass", but I didn't expect it. Well, at least she isn't jealous at all and she loves the baby. I just with I could go ONE day without this "alone" feeling and all these feelings of guilt as a mother.
This is probably just horomones. At least I have a supportive husband.
Well, I'm off to change my 10 day old (who looks like she's a month, btw). I'm praying tonight isn't like the last two nights. Up from 3:30-7:30, and then the next night 5:00-7:00. I still haven't caught up on my sleep and Jamie has school AND work tomorrow. I don't know if I'll be able to function with two kids!