Today I came to a pinnacle in the life I never thought I would have at 23. Today, I was a "room mom". I was in charge of the craft for Marci's preschool class' halloween party. I brought the Squishy in her little billy goat costume, but because she wouldn't keep her hat on, she was more of a pan; body of a goat and head of a baby. I thought it was so funny because all the girls in Marci's class were either faires, or princesses, or ballerinas, or angels and then there's my daughter............the shark.

One thing that sat in my brain most of the day was that I ran into my old 3rd grade teacher, who gave me a big hug, looked at my children and my wedding ring and said "I thought you'd be on Broadway by now!" I took a deep breath and said "Yeah I thought so too." Its not that I don't love being a mom or a wife, its just that I feel like I lost myself in it, and I don't have time to find me again. I feel it on the tip of my tongue...the thing I am meant to do or to be...but I just can't reach it. I need more "alone" time to figure it out and figure out my path. Jamie is interviewing for an internship on Thursday which will only take him away from me more (which I didn't think was possible), so I am going to hire a babysitter for once a week so I can do things like clean, or write, or paint, or try to find a literary agent. Something to help me feel whole again.

I really don't want to be a homemaker all my life. I want my own career and my own path and I want it soon. However, I don't think I want to work a full time job or work outside of the home. I want to be an artist and I think children's books are my medium. If it could only be quiet enough for me to write one!!